By Jessenia Nozzolillo
By Jessenia Nozzolillo
Communication is by far one of the most important parts of existence. We expand, learn, reflect, interact, and challenge ourselves with the process of communication. The issue? So many of us have no idea what communication actually is!
When I was about 15 years old, I remember deeply pondering the life I had been raised in, realizing everyone around me had no idea how to actually have a healthy conversation, including me. I have always been fascinated with the human mind and eventually went to college for psychology—digging deeper into what makes people tick. I remember when I finally had the realization that the second a person gets angry in a conversation, they stop listening. Humans are biologically incapable of listening when they are angry. Adrenaline pumps through our veins. We become reactive, defensive, explosive. We turn a conversation into a fight, and we assume a fight needs a winner. Conversations never become wars. It is miscommunication that breeds wars. We have been taught to win, not to authentically connect and hear people out.
The issue with emotional triggers is — they are EVERYWHERE! Most people currently incarnated on Earth have had about 300 incarnations. This means a lot of pain. Think about how many “bad” or negative memories you have in this one life! How many experiences have created a bad taste or heavy emotion in you? Think about how many emotional triggers you carry from this one experience. Then multiply that by 300! We are made to self-repair. The issue is, we are just learning how to do so here on the physical plane, so although we were made for it, we aren’t really sure how to go about it yet. That means all that pain of those 300 experiences has followed you here and can be triggered in this current life as a memory, emotion, pattern, choice, attraction etc. We are used to dismissing them, confusing them with character traits which means we are not acknowledging our ability to face and then heal those moments. Think about how many times you got mad or reactive about something and never checked in with yourself after it happened by attempting to locate the origin of that emotion. Happens every day to most of us! We instead resort to blame— “This was your fault.” “You made me feel this way.” “You are mean.” Never, “why was that so painful?” “What did that trigger?”“Where did that sit deep in my soul level experiences as a human being?” Let’s face that.
So, we are a very easily triggered population, as if you haven’t noticed…
Additionally, Spirit decided now is the best time to go into massive gift activations and upgrades! Laughable really. Let’s take this emotional chaos and then amplify your sensitivity to the world. GOOD LUCK! So now we have 300 lives to clear on average, lots of emotions surfacing, and a heightened sensitivity to all energy. What a wild ride!
If you are having a hard time grasping how the emotions of your past affect you and how you might be accidentally letting them lead you in this life unknowingly, then consider some of the following.
Everything you feel, love, like, hate, is because you have history with it. Why do some people grow up loving birds and others can’t stand them even though they’ve had the same relationship and exposure to birds? The answer is in your past lives. Somewhere along the line you decided they are important to you because of your relationship to them. Additionally, if you have a heavy belief system around something, it is because you had an experience with it. For example, I have read past lives and found out that the person I am reading is obsessed with the idea of adopting disabled kids because of a past life trauma. They feel guilty and that guilt feeds their passion to complete that guilt, to prove to themselves that they have learned, changed, and are no longer someone they need to be ashamed of. The emotional response to her past is leading her future decisions. The issue is we often complete the karmic debts, but the guilt remains. Just because we “paid someone back” doesn’t mean it stops haunting us.
When we acknowledge that EVERYTHING we feel is valid, we can start digesting and interpreting those responses appropriately.
The client above was not made to take in disabledchildren in this life. If her guilt had led, she would have overwhelmed herself and put her own health in danger. It simply was not a part of the plan. She felt guilty. But the debt had been paid. Leaning into that emotion could have exposed a deeper realization of the origin of that wound. Most of us cannot trace them back beyond this life. I can. I saw the origin and we were able to bring love and forgiveness to that life, letting her find her peace and knowing she had found karmic completion with that incident. But now it was time to forgive and release it. If this was the only life this occurred, then the emotional response to that is gone. We simply do not need to respond like we used to.
What did we do to change that? Instead of reacting and leaping into decisions made out of pain, we understood the origin of the desire and brought it peace. We cleared a potential derailment. We healed a wound. We changed the trajectory of the experience. Adopting disabled children is a beautiful goal and so necessary. But not if it will kill you in the process, not if you are not healthy enough to manage it, not if you don’t have the resources to properly care for you and them. That becomes quite dangerous and if we let guilt lead, more wounds would have been created where the person overexerts themselves trying to make something work that was never intended to work. So here, we have taken accountability for the emotion and made a choice we could act on. WHAT CAN I DO TO CHANGE THE TRAJECTORY OF THIS LIFE BASED ON THE LESSONS OF THE PAST, NOT THE WOUNDS OF THE PAST.
It’s also very important to keep in mind that it is nobody else’s job to manage your triggers for you. It is kind and loving for your friends and family to be gentle with you and not intentionally disrupt your peace. But exploding at people over your triggers is never going to be a solution. We must work on taking control of our reaction. This usually takes longer for most people because we get used to avoiding the trigger and never facing it. I have struggled with horrible things in this life. I healed zero of them by avoiding them. Every time someone triggers you, we have the beautiful opportunity to face that. It will not be easy. Some wounds are more horrific than others. But the more you face something, the braver you become, the more power you have over it, the more capable you feel. Eventually, with enough exposure and proper guidance, any trigger can be healed and released. It is very possible! The alternative is to never face it. Always run away. Always let it control your emotions, responses, life and happiness. You absolutely have a choice.
Psychology is a fairly new science. We are just now really starting to understand deep emotional wounds, trauma, the brain, and the long-term repercussions of difficult circumstances. So, it is no surprise that we do not deal with these emotions properly when we lean into them. Some powerful pointers I keep in mind when viewing these deeper wounds:
*There is no such thing as a villain. I have suffered tremendous things by people who were supposed to love me. But when I was brave enough to heal, I realized they all had very traumatic stories themselves, and although I had been taking it personally this whole time, it simply was not personal. They were conducting centuries of pain while they simply didn’t have the tools to manage.
*All humans have the capacity to connect to Spirit. But most are completely closed off to their higher selves. Your connection to your higher self is your connection to the cosmic fabric that is “oneness” or being in existence. We feel for them. We cannot hurt someone we feel for. But most people are so disconnected from their soul because of their traumas that they simply do not feel for anyone anymore—not even themselves. This is a cosmic block. Not a personal attack on you or your value.
*We all make mistakes. The whole Earthly experience is based on mistakes. We learn, change, redirect and try again. Over and over again! Expecting perfection from anyone is never going to help us understand ourselves better or heal wounds of the past.
*You don’t need your abuser’s permission to heal. You don’t! It seems silly but all of us do it. We want them to know how much they hurt us. We want them to say sorry before we move on. We want them to tell us they were wrong, and we didn’t deserve what they did to us. We want validation. We crave closure. What are you really craving? Permission to heal. They cannot give that to you. You give that to yourself. Give yourself permission. You deserve it. It is time.
*No one should have control over your happiness, life and self. We are programmed as humans to receive three major sources of food. Our connection to our higher self rules our soul. Our connection to nature rules our body. And our food feeds cellular regeneration, healing, growth and life. It’s a beautiful composition of many moving pieces. If we have major spiritual blocks and disconnections, our food source from Spirit is starved. If you are like 90% of the human population, you spend very little time outside, therefore starving your connection to nature. The average American also makes unhealthy food choices. So, what are you taking in? Very limited garbage energy. We are so starved for energy that we cause drama to feed, feel, and survive, not knowing what the issue actually is. Read about the Energy Vampire for more info:
Additionally, we are conductors of energy. If we are carrying pain that continues to be unhealed, we will conduct that pain until we resolve it. Naturally.
So, the reason we hurt, the reason we damage others, is essentially a conduction of our own unhealed pain and desperation for food and connection. It is terrible, and most people are completely blind to how it works. If I am one of these humans that is starving for energy and had a difficult trauma cycle in my past, I will actually learn to abuse others as a food source. I hurt them, anchor to that moment of abuse and feed. Every time you respond to that abuse, I feed. Every time you think of me, I feed. Every time you hate yourself and your body, I feed. Every time you sabotage your own growth and your own life, I feed. The wound bonds us. The trauma bonds us. A fragment of you is still reliving the pain you endured, because you were too afraid to return and save them. DIVE IN! BE THE HERO YOU NEEDED. RECREATE THE MEMORY, WITH THE INTENTION OF FREEING YOURSELF FROM THAT CYCLE. Cut the food source. Cut them off fully.
With every trigger we face, we simply have less to manage. We get stronger. We are less afraid. We are led by love. We feel more connected. We feel more at peace with the world, our body and our connections. We can be led by love and not fear.
Additionally, it’s no one’s job but yours to say how you feel! So many of us hold back what we say for fear of rejection, denial, embarrassment, ridicule. We believe “it’s too much, I don’t want to overwhelm them, they must be busy, I don’t want to scare people off.” The idea is that you will regret everything you left unsaid because your purpose here is in speaking your truth. Speaking your truth is different than oversharing. Speaking your truth is connected to someone you have been connecting with regularly. Oversharing is usually in a public forum, with any stranger, anywhere. Not every stranger or person needs to hear your every thought on everything. That’s overcompensation—the desire to feel heard at such intensity that you are throwing your whole life and thoughts at anyone who will hear it. This means you need deeper connections and safe places to speak in your private life. But if you are having a conversation with someone you connect with and trust, it is your job to do your part and share what you feel drawn to share IN COMPASSION without inauthentic hesitation or fear. Healthy communication also never takes the guise of judgment, criticism, blame, verbal assault. These are detriments to healthy communication and if you find yourself falling into one of these categories you would go into self-evaluation instead of speaking. I have learned to lose the fear of saying things that might not be accepted because I recognize I am the only one with that responsibility and the right people will appreciate the right words if and when I have the courage to show up with them. But if I don’t, if I never did, then all opportunities for connection are lost and that is on me. I would rather do my part and be rejected then just be rejected because I didn’t have the courage to do my part in communication.
Step one: I acknowledge the validity of my emotional response.
Step two: I take accountability for it and start digging deeper into that response, never blaming someone else for my reaction.
Step three: I recognize that it is not the world’s job to help me hide from that response. My triggers are fully my responsibility.
Step 4: I heal the wound that the emotion was tied to.
Step 5: I communicate with love. Not with reaction.
There is no perfect road map for us here. The closest we can get is our intuitive guidance, prayer, gifts (if activated), and Spirit guides. If we are able toconnect clearly, that’s amazing! But most of us are not. Most of us are very, VERY blocked here.
So how are we supposed to move through this dense atmosphere while disconnected, confused, or scared?
Let your heart lead! Your feelings are, in fact, your physical map of existence. You will be pulled to what you need! Your brain can be manipulated. Your brain can be tricked. Your brain will confuse you. But emotions are always valid in some way or another. They bring us where we need. They expose issues just under the surface. They warn us about things that are not good for us. They challenge us to new behaviors and change.
Knowing how to PROPERLY use your emotional response—IS EVERYTHING. Healing that emotional response means moving more clearly through life.
Don’t run from it. Lean in. Listen. Let your reactions TEACH YOU more about yourself and stop throwing them at others.
In this state, we can listen to understand. Not to react. Our conversations become clearer. We connect on deeper levels. We connect in compassion and love. Not in our pain.
Copyright Protected Jessenia Nozzolillo 2022