By Jessenia Nozzolillo
How do we heal? What is love? What is unconditional love?
In order to understand unconditional love, we must first understand love.
Love is ALL EMOTION. It is the center of feeling and, therefore, the most powerful emotion in the world. But, as we now know in the human experience, love fractions into many other emotions such as happiness, fear, anger, disgust, envy, embarrassment, etc. in order for any of these to exist, there must have been love or lack of it somewhere along the line! I cannot be jealous without love or lack of love. I cannot be afraid without love or lack of love!
These emotions continue branching off o each other, but all derive from the same point of origin, love or lack of love. Emotion is a response to a particular stimuli fueled by your association with that stimuli. If we have had a bad relationship with that stimuli, the emotional response to it will be negative. If we have a good relationship with that stimuli, then our emotional response will be positive. For example, dogs. Some people are terrified of dogs. Others appreciate and adore dogs. The difference is not the dog but our programmed reaction to that dog. If the dog is, in fact, overly aggressive and violent, that is a visible behavioral response, and therefore our emotional reaction is immediately justified to keep us safe.
A good example of this is we just saw the dog interact with someone and bite them. That may surface fear in us as a fight or flight response to protect ourselves. But life isn’t always so clear-cut. We do not always know what, when, where, or how our wounds originated. Many of us have had millions of experiences outside of Earth and about 300-700 incarnations here for the average individual. So what we find is we are constantly responding to our environmental triggers associated with old wounds, creating or establishing intense emotional reactions to our environmental stimuli, never realizing its origins or digging deeper.
Most of us are so terrible with emotional responses that we even run from them, feeling “weak” and uncomfortable in our feelings. This is a side effect of living in survival mindset. In survival mindset, we believe that emotional responsiveness and feeling will only expose us to our enemies. We don’t know how to manage those emotions and don’t want people to use them against us, so we hide them. If we hide them, we can give the illusion of strength and, therefore, continue the belief that we are perfect. Healed. Happy. Sane. But, it will always be an illusion, and eventually, that oppressed emotional body gets so large, frustrated, explosive, unhappy that it floods to the surface for release. As a society, we have gotten used to labeling these emotional explosions and then medicating them. Is it a long-term solution? No. No, it is not.
Additionally, when we are in this state of explosive emotional turmoil, we are easily triggered, unfocused, and not as productive. Our energy is being pulled in so many directions, and those directions irrationally call the shots. This is not a place of inner peace and serenity. It is a place of confusion. In this state, our emotions are so loud we often can’t see what is simply right in front of us. If this emotional turmoil peaks very early in life, children may even stop developing emotionally. In simple terms, if you cannot digest what you are feeling, then you will never evolve your relationship with those or other feelings. And if you never get through those feelings, you will always be in fight or flight. A biological response that pulls blood from vital organs that disrupts evolution, healing, development, and even physical health! So now, on top of all of this, we are underdeveloped, ill, distracted, weak, and unaware. The goal is that we recognize these emotional reactions, trace them back to their point of origins, and reprogram that moment through pure love being the hero that version of us has been waiting for. It takes tremendous strength!
Not only do you have to relive those moments of pain, you need to submerge yourself in the memory FEELING ANYTHING completely AND EVERYTHING you might have been uncomfortable or fearful of surfacing the first round, so that you may fully clear it this round. This means if you wanted to be angry but wasn’t because you were afraid it would lead to abuse by your parents, THEN BE ANGRY. Let that child scream, yell, explode. Let them scream that it wasn’t fair or right. Let them finally express for the first time how this moment made them feel and how it changed their view on love. Ask yourself, how did this make me feel about love? How am I going to step in and correct this? Be the person you needed. Walk through the moment and heal it. Give yourself the overwhelming love and patience you needed in the moment of that wound until the pain is no more. Until you are no longer hurt, angry, upset, or explosive. Send that fragment of you so much love that it is all you hear, see, feel and have.
YOU SHOULD FEEL AT PEACE. If you do not feel at peace, ask yourself what is left to understand or clear. Use your emotions to play “hot or cold.” For example, if I am reviewing a memory in my bedroom, I might imagine what my bedroom looked like at that time, looking for items in that room that created intense negative emotional responses showing me that the remaining discomfort belonged to this particular person, item or part of the room. This would continue to surface memories attached to those people's places or items that are also in need of repair. Do not run from it. Do not hide it. Simply embrace it. Feel it and repeat.
When we are reviewing these fragments, we are learning to come back into love with ourselves, our past, our lives. Think about all the time you have spent checking up on people around you. Compare that to the time you spend checking up on yourself. This is that time. It is valuable and necessary. You deserve these check-ins. You deserve this healing. You deserve freedom from your pain. You have earned the wisdom on the other side of that experience.
How do we know the healing is working? We feel less triggered! This is not a wild concept. If you are healing the points of trauma, then those points will no longer trigger the same emotional reactions they once did in the past. I have been raped, abused, hit, beaten, scared, alone, homeless, hungry, but these moments in time no longer trigger a deep emotional response in me. Not anger. Not fear. Not hate. Not sadness. Nothing. Nothing but love for myself for overcoming such tremendous things! That version of me is no longer there. That fragment of me as moved on and found peace. I am not trapped in that moment in time, so nothing has the power to trigger an emotional response from those traumas or wounds. I have been to the place it occurred, seen the people who abused me, and still nothing. This doesn’t mean I have to let those people close to me or even let them back into my life. NO. They are still dangerous people who have a long HISTORY of this pattern. So statistically and evidentially, they are still dangerous people. This means my awareness of their energy is valid and based on evidential matter, not in a triggered emotional response presented through the memory of abuse—two totally different responses. I am back in that moment, scared. I am instead empowered and present, aware of my environment, and ready to thrive here.
This healing also means that I have more control of my energy, and my gifts. If I am no longer scared and triggered by sexual abuse, I will not be scared to dig deep into someone else’s pain for them, holding their hand while they complete the same healing cycle. This also means I can connect in a powerful unbiased way, not immediately seeing people as “right” vs “wrong” or “good” vs “bad” based on my emotional response programs from trauma. I simply see action and experience and then share how both people felt internally. Removing MY emotional response means being fully open and understanding of others. So this absolutely clears up our gifts! It means that we can see more clearly. So if you are healing, you should see your gifts amplifying. If you are not seeing amplified gifts that are evolving, then you aren’t properly clearing and reprogramming the energy from these wounds. You are not coming back into love.
Nowhere in here have I said anything about conditions, blame, projection, and asking permission from others to heal. Nowhere.
One of the most obstructive things to our relationship with love is the idea that people should be what we need and that other people are intended or even made to fill the void we carry from our pain. Relationships are the number one expression of healing. Through the reflection of our loved ones, we are forced to see what it is we are lacking. Did you get explosive? Why? Did you set high expectations? Why? Did you cheat? Why? These are all opportunities for self-reflection and growth. But as a species, we usually revert to the centuries-old pattern of blame, projection, excuses, and fleeing our emotional responses, putting conditions on our loved ones expecting them to manage and obey our triggers.
This will never lead to healing. This will never lead to a healthy balanced relationship. This will never be a reflection of unconditional love.
When we take entire accountability for our lives and self, we see our immense, limitless power to grow, give, love, and be! If it’s a reflection of us, that means we have the power to fix it! We will keep growing and expanding because we have the power to change us! If it is not our responsibility, not in our power, not focused on our responses or emotions, then we do not have the right or ability to fix it. We would instead stay stuck repeating old patterns, being easily triggered, not expanding our gifts, and demanding our partners be the solution to the wounds we carry. We place conditions on the experience instead of taking power back and acknowledging the necessity and unlimited healing abilities of what is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
Unconditional love says I love you in all that you are and whatever you have to offer me because love is my base emotion and everything else is a bonus. I don’t need or demand your energy. I don’t demand your attention or affection. I understand if and when I am lacking that, that it is my responsibility to dig deeper into my emotional responses and heal those wounds. I also understand that you have wounds, and I hope you find the love and courage to face them for you. Not for me. If and when we are not longer an energetic match, I also understand I have the right to lovingly depart.
We owe no one anything, but in healing ourselves, we heal everyone around us. Our relationships are evolved as we heal. And yes, sometimes that means we outgrow people we thought we would never leave. But it’s a natural process of the human experience that we eventually expand and grow. We are a vibrational frequency. The healing becomes a part of that vibrational frequency, and that frequency encourages natural shifting in the life people around you. Whether they are inspired by that or feel rejected by that is entirely up to them in their interpretation of that frequency.
Copyright protected Jessenia Nozzolillo 2022