By Jessenia Nozzolillo
Before my spiritual awakening and awareness of my gifts, I frequently contemplated the reality of free will. If we lived in the universe constructed by some omniscient being who could give life and take life as they chose, then it would only make sense that every moment and behavior was orchestrated by their every will. I often felt like if I had a choice I wouldn’t have been living the life I have been given. It was easy for me to believe that based on my experiences and my raising. Who would choose this? Who would want to suffer like this? As much as I wanted to be done with it, it felt nearly impossible to walk away. It felt like I would always be trapped here living a life I had no control over with no power over my own life and choices.
If I have learned ANYTHING in my 35 years here, it’s that we give so much of our power away. We hand it out like junk eager to throw it away.
I often think of what healing has done for me and who I used to be. She was powerless, hopeless, a victim and stuck. She apologized for existing. She apologized to her abusers when they told her it was her fault they abused her. She sacrificed for them. She made space for their healing over her own. I didn’t know this then, but they were trapping me in my powerlessness so they could keep feeding off my gifts and power. As long as I believed it was my fault and my responsibility that I had no control, they could keep abusing my POWER.
Slowly as I started healing, my power was reclaimed. Bit by bit. Confidence came back, and saying “sorry” stopped surfacing as much. Blame melted right off. I found myself no longer participating in abusive conversations, connections and situations. I found myself finding power in my self-accountability.
This is not the same as being emotionally reckless by running around doing whatever I wish without any regard for anyone else and never taking accountability. It meant knowing what was my responsibility to heal and to separate that from what belonged to everyone else by releasing any illusion of “power” I thought I had over someone else’s outcome and process.
With healing and reclaiming my power came gift development. I started realizing that Spirit was speaking to me and advising me. That advice allowed me to make decisions that helped me break some of those patterns I thought I was bound to. This is when it became apparent that free will did in fact exist. I was able to choose differently based on the guidance presented. My connection to Spirit allowed me to be proactive in life. This meant less suffering. My Spirit team lead me on a path of healing where I became more and more centered in my growth, continuing to use my free will to gain strength and persevere, slowly being reintroduced to the power I had lost in the moments of pain I endured. Moments that convinced me I had no choice here. But at this point it also started becoming apparent to me how very little humans knew about the power of their own intuitive guidance, connection to Spirit, and free will.
Free will is our most powerful tool, or limitation, depending how we use it.
When you are no longer living in constant fear and survival, it’s very clear to see how deeply people are drowning in it. I started to realize that my connection to Spirit was helping me overcome and break cycles that would reclaim my sense of power, but in this human world we do nothing truly alone and part of my growth would require some type of integration with other beings. I would have to work with them, understand them, teach and assist as needed.
It was a mess to organize at first; trying to sort out what is my emotion and what is theirs. This is a complicated mixture that only gets clearer in time. But regardless of who created the wound, it is your job to repair your wounds. It is your job to show up and do the work for yourself.
Now it comes quite easily and I love holding myself accountable and healing from whatever is mine because I see the power in these moments and the tremendous freedom that has come from knowing myself so fully.
There is no more hiding behind the decisions and permission of others. We self-evaluate. We check in with our higher selves. We heal as much as possible. We address the insecurities, delusions, and face our challenges head on. No one has the power to stop me, delay me or interrupt my process. I am in control of my mind, thoughts, and reactions. I’m never going to allow someone to live in the illusion that they have control over those with me. I’m never going to willingly hand over the most valuable thing I have, my free-will, my power.
I quickly realized that although I was being guided, there were always multiple futures present. My future based on my decisions was certain. I trust my team now after everything I’ve personally experienced and no longer question them. Therefore, it was almost guaranteed that I would follow through with their guidance — a true act of faith — doing the work to ensure the best possible outcome was achieved and checking in along the way to manage my process. I became predictable to the life planning process and my connection began getting stronger, thus creating more evidential matter. When we move into predictable behavior, we are able to “prove” Spirit and guidance. One of my goals here on Earth is creating enough evidential matter to bridge the gap between Spirit and science. If I trust in the process enough to fully surrender to it, then I will always get the results predicted. Evidence. I’ve seen the evidence of their work and live the reality of that healing every day! Which brings me to the natural understanding that maybe it was never “evidence” that should have been the focus but instead why humans are so naturally unpredictable and how that interferes with the scientific data and accuracy of intuitive guidance.
But strangers have zero trust in my team, and many times no trust in their own. One small hesitation might lead someone to a delay or detour which could truly alter the future all together. Just because I’m not living in my fear doesn’t mean they are not living in theirs. As much as I wanted to take the guidance and make the moves, I was seeing that a lot of my “destined connections” were leading to dead ends because other people were unable to wake up to their responsibility in the story or hear their teams.
I’ve often heard people say, “Wouldn’t it be amazing if we had all the answers?“ So many times I believe that it really would be that easy. That if one person could connect to something powerfully divine, the world could be salvaged. They could teach and guide the world into healing and awakening all on their own! In this reality, we could heal, trust, release that fear, connect as intended, grow, collaborate and be the beautiful divine beings we planned ourselves to be. But, I realized that free will works in many ways. We can choose to listen or choose to deter. We can choose to not believe! A very important part of the human experience is in fact EXPERIENCE. We learn through experience. If we know better it’s because we lived it and now understand the subject we experienced as we experienced it. We don’t fully understand or comprehend another’s struggle if it lands outside of our scope of experience.
Humans need healthy trust agreements to move out of fear and survival mode. Naturally, trust is earned in human nature. Even with your own team, you must allow the connections to thrive in that bond established with evidential matter, positive guidance and see the results play out for yourself so that you may have enough evidence to move out of fear and survival and into reclaiming your power.
This is why I love teaching. My job is not to read for you until the end of time. My job is to get you to trust Spirit again and move out of the fear that plagues us as humans. In that trust, you connect again. In that connection, we play our part and create more predictability in unison and get things done faster here on this realm. We are better as a team. We are more efficient, and in that efficiency there is naturally less suffering and mishaps.
Your power is your ability to hold yourself accountable, lead your healing journey, understand your emotional body and use it appropriately, show up for yourself, reevaluate your belief systems, and do the work to continuously free yourself from the bonds of your past experiences and pains. That is the greatest form of self-love and it has nothing to do with what we look like. That is our power and our freedom from our pain.
So if you’ve ever wondered why one person cannot step up and give everyone all the answers, this is why. Do you intrinsically trust everything everyone else says? No. No we don’t. We aren’t wired that way. But if these are results that you want, know that it is possible to learn to trust yourself and Spirit again. It’s not only possible, but powerfully life altering and necessary for cosmic evolution. The trick is prioritizing healing with spiritual guidance, directing our free will into amazing places though changed behavior.
Copyright Protected Jessenia Nozzolillo 2022
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