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My favorite tool, HONESTY

By Jessenia Nozzolillo

Honesty is so valuable to me my whole life! But I’m starting to realize it really is the only thing that has value.

Love is nothing without honesty, because love will never thrive where trust is lacking. Honesty is more important than others feelings, because without honesty we will never recognize the belief systems and patterns we are repeating in our relationships. Honestly is the closest we will get to reality. If you are being dishonest under the illusion of healing, helping, comforting, or saving someone, then simply recognize you don’t have the tools to manage the situation at hand and do one of two things, learn the tools or leave the words unsaid!

If we cannot recognize those patterns or speak on them, then they will never change! We cannot evaluate why we were stuck in that belief system and how to correct it. In times like this we get so caught up on what we thought and believed to be true, that we simply can’t see what is! Lack of communication is one of the strongest diseases to any relationship. Express yourself, because repressing your expressions is not a solution. Just know that your expressions are your responsibility and yours alone. So many times I see couples struggling with patterns they have yet has the courage to verbally express to their partners. At that point spirit always says, “You cannot expect someone to change or know something you didn’t have the courage to express.” What you say, and how you say it, and how you feel, is a direct expression of you and your energy. We do not express to force others to respond to our emotions, life or goals. We present the expression and see who and where it aligns to our loved ones inner expressions. They may align. They may not! But there is no expectation because it’s not a necessity to a healthy relationship to always be in complete alignment with your thoughts creating false harmony by changing who you are to suit another’s needs. This will only create more issues that will cause pain and resentment in the future. Authentic communication is more valuable in love than false harmony.

Honesty is authenticity. It is who I am and who I will always be. It is a reflection of vulnerability as it says “This is what I truly believe and I am bravely sharing that vision with the world to see the worlds response to that vision.” And in that expression we may be challenged to think differently, or repeat. I love being challenged. I love the expansion that comes with someone asking a question I had not considered leading me to further develop my truth. I love an authentic challenge. I am curious, inquisitive and thirsty for knowledge, so asking questions and challenging theories it something I do often! It’s a valuable and necessary step to conscious expansion and education.

Honesty isn’t going to obey the politics of etiquette, obedience, or even kindness because in those belief systems what we “think we should have said” isn’t presented in the honestly of our expression. We dig into parts of us programmed through these abuse patterns to present and “what I should say” to challenge the “what I wanted to say” which is manipulative in itself!

Sometimes honesty is blocked by fear. Fear we could be judged for saying or feeling how we do. But my answer to that is anyone who doesn’t value your authentic honest expression of your inner workings and mind isn’t someone that is made for you in mind. Free yourself or them. Allow space for those who care to hear you.

Honesty is also NOT unsolicited advice, opinions of others or judgments. Those are fragments of criticism and judgment. Something we should work to heal, not express further. How do we tell the difference? Honesty is how I feel knowing that my emotional responses to my environment are based in a perception that is my responsibility to evaluate and reconstruct until I find peace with it. Judgment, unsolicited advice, or opinions of others lives are based on observations on what I think is best for someone else on their journey. Sometimes they are things we think others could do better to manage their lives for our betterment or healing. This is a misdirection of energy. No one can solve your problems for you. No one can heal you for you. You cannot control your environment only your response to your environment in your response is the illness that you need to manage, heal, reprogram, find peace with.

Dishonesty also shows up in our lives as drama, gossip, here say, “spilling the tea”, passive aggressive behavior, emotional manipulation, fear mongering among some popular channels.

My motto has been “If I cannot speak it to their face, or haven’t, then I have no right to speak it to another.”because I understand that if I feel some way about someone they have the first right to know that. And if I cannot and have not had the courage to say how I feel to their face then I have no right to say that behind their back. It causes problems and creates distrust and dishonesty. Does it mean I am perfect? Absolutely not sometimes I find myself having these conversations and then it expires me to confront the person about my emotions and how I feel. But the point is, a DIRECT conversation is always in the picture somewhere on the same timeline. Not years later.

I know see that the value in honesty is not only the authentic expression of life, but a healthy response system, communication system, healing system, reflection system, love, freedom, authentic powerful friendships and relationships, freedom of limiting thoughts and beliefs, and the closest we will get to our soul selves. I see how you feel. I know what you think. There is something so beautiful about having you say it yourself. That bond cannot be replicated with “assumption”. It shows someone who is the same inside as they are outside and that is the most beautiful thing we can offer others. Vulnerability, authenticity and honesty.

copyright protected Jessenia Nozzolillo 2022

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