By Jessenia Nozzolillo
My mother used to say “A heart of gold and short term memory keeps me going.” She’s always had a bad memory. A life of severe physical, mental, emotional, sexual trauma made sure of it. But somehow, she had the strength to wake up with a smile every morning. In time, as I grew, I would notice the triggers. We don’t remember. We don’t go back. We can’t. This destroyed her. She became someone else when she remembered it all. I didn’t know any better, so I just allowed her to forget. I stayed away from the triggers. I knew when to not push. I knew how to tip-toe around her to delicately manage life as best I could for my survival.
It wasn’t until I went to college for psychology that I learned to manage my own triggers and expand my thoughts by properly digesting the pain of the past, no longer running from them. Every moment I faced made me stronger and I became attached to the “high” from healing. It was beautiful to think that healing is something that can never be taken away. With every bit of knowledge I gained in my journey I understood the world better. I loved asking “why.” I wanted to know it all. Why would someone hurt someone? What was love? What was emotion? I wanted to know it all and with my expansion I connected deeper to my world feeling safe but also feeling more and more alone.
This loneliness is so important. Many of us get here and we see it as a punishment. But the loneliness you feel in your evolution is not a punishment. It’s a reminder that everything means nothing without the people you love. Not even your growth and expansion. It has value. But it has more value when you can be seen, heard and reflected upon by loved ones because we are in fact beings of reflection and there is no such thing as solitude in Spirit. So that deep unquenchable loneliness is the thirst that encourages us to teach the lessons we have gained with those who are ready. But, beware of ego. Teaching through ego might look like someone who isn’t able to explain the process of their journey, or someone who needs people to be in agreement with them, shutting down or getting defensive when challenged. So, it’s because you understand that this place of being is so beautiful, you want others to enjoy this space with you. If and when they are ready you will greet them with the wisdom you have learned when you have transmuted your own pain into experience.
I’ve always seen forgetting as an escape, a weakness, a strange anomaly that occurred to the soul when they enter Earth, the reason we cannot heal. Not until this very moment did I ever realize that maybe forgetting was the blessing all along. Maybe, it’s the brain’s beautiful way of allowing you a moment of peace in a world of pain as you wait for the tools to surface those moments for proper repair. In this way, forgetting is the blessing, it’s the waiting room of healing.
When we incarnate here, we have soul amnesia. Earth’s density makes it difficult to connect to our 5th dimensional database and intuition. So many of us lead lives without having any “memory” of the past and our past lives. We simply cannot recall. As a past life reader and hyper sensitive being, a connection with someone can surface ALL of the lives we’ve had together. ALL OF THEM. That is intense emotion, layered passion, pain, loss, stress, panic, fear, whatever it is — it’s all there all at once. Many times I’ve felt so overwhelmed from this that I want to hide from the world, to run, to forget. But then I remind myself that we’re on this journey to LEARN TO REMEMBER. And in that courageous journey we will be able to heal those moments so we never feel the need to run away again. And only then, do I have something to offer the world. A lesson to share, a door to open, and an opportunity to transmute the experience into a beautiful gift.
Copyright Protected Jessenia Nozzolillo 2022