You have chosen these mountains because you knew you could climb them.
Someday I hope to share the full story of the generational trauma I carried along with my victory story. I know it would help others mend their roots and have some hope that anything is possible when healing is your priority. This is a fragment of some of the things I've had to face in this life.
My grandfather was orphaned in Puerto Rico, young. He was then raised by his oldest brother and sister in an abandoned building. When his sister married, his brothers violence, abuse and rape escalated. They had nothing and would raid trash for food and supplies. Fearing for his life, my grandfather eventually fled on foot across Puerto Rico. He was eventually found passed out, on the brink of starvation and dehydration with bloody feet by a family who took him in.
Then he continued the trauma with his children, grandchildren, and extended family.
My grandmother was raised in Puerto Rico with little supervision. One of 11 kids she did what she wanted while her mother pimped out her other children, had boyfriend drama, and cut a couple of people for messing with her. She forced/needed her children to work for her to fight poverty. The kids were a mess with such little supervision and so much adult pressure to provide. They abused and raped each other. They were overwhelmed with adult responsibilityand trauma.
My grandmother was “saved” at 12 years old when she met my 22-year-old grandfather, who was already a father and in a relationship with another woman. That is when their marriage began.
She couldn’t heal. She continued the abuse to her own children, grandchildren, and family.
These incidents created a chain of events that would significantly affect the next three generations that followed in repeated patterns, self-destructive behavior, addiction, abusive relationships, sexual abuse and rape, domestic violence, and confusion. Your decisions are powerful. Your choices live on long after you are gone. What kind of patterns are you creating for the generations that follow?
I suffered greatly because of this, but I think their story is a valuable part of my healing. Because understanding the roots and cards, they were given reminds me I have two choices. Feel, heal, forgive, and repair. Or repeat.
I refuse to be a conductor of this trauma. This pain stops with me. You cannot prevent the pattern you were given if you are still stuck in the trauma and blaming. Heal.
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Copyright protected 2020 Jessenia Nozzolillo